North for Winter

A-List Comedy: The comedy of anatomy & censorship

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 12:23:19 +1100

A-List Comedy: The comedy of anatomy & censorship:

Allegedly the story goes like this: A woman was going past the billboard with her young son and didn’t like that she had to explain the meaning of the word penis. Firstly if her son is old enough to read the word penis, he should probably know what one is. Secondly he’s going to have to find out one day…ridiculous.

alistcomedy:

Late yesterday afternoon we received word that a formal complaint had been made to the Advertising Standards Board against the billboard advertising a show we have coming up at The Twelfth Night Theatre in Brisbane.

The show just so happens to be Puppetry of the Penis 3D and the artwork…

This is my works tumblr account (so follow it). I decided today...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:38:48 +1100

This is my works tumblr account (so follow it). I decided today that every week we are going to do a Friday Flashback selected by either an employee or comedian. We started with the big boss man, he’s been playing/singing this all week.

alistcomedy:

The Cars - Let’s Go (Midnight Special) (by benny11letters)

FRIDAY FLASHBACK

Every Friday from today, we will be posting a song selected by an A-List Artist or employee for the Friday Flashback.

This week’s tune has been selected by A-List’s CEO and self-proclaimed big cheese (or man with the cheese), Artie Laing and this is what he had to say:
“I chose this song because I heard it on a movie the other night and remembered how cool it was. Plus I like the album cover. That is until I actually listened to it. He’s cracking onto a 17 year old isn’t he? You decide.”
Enjoy!

The case of an out of line audience member

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:46:47 +1100

The case of an out of line audience member:

Every Friday morning my comedy google alerts land in my inbox. As I scrolled through them today one headline in particular stood out “Heard the one about the grumpy comedian?”

Intrigued I opened the link, after reading the first paragraph my intrigue turned to outrage. The article is claiming that the comedian in question had “a sense of humour failure” over a fan leaving a comment on her facebook page saying the show was fab and she was the one videoing in the front row…

The thing people need to understand is, it is never okay for an audience member to record a comedy show, ever. Stand-Up comedy is not like music where certain musicians are okay with and some even encourage the bootlegging of their gigs (although there is nothing worse than shit quality recordings of shows on youtube). Comedy is an entirely different ballgame. Not only is the act of recording distracting for the rest of the audience behind the person doing it, but it is in effect stealing intellectual property. Presumably the clip will end up on youtube or facebook or online in some form without the consent of the artist. So material that they didn’t want online, or taken out of their live show is now available for everyone to see, if edited, out of context. What if they intended on recording this performance for a live DVD and it’s already out there for everyone to see, that’s going to affect sales. Maybe not a lot, but it will.

The bottom line is, recording a show on your mobile device is just rude. It shows a complete lack of respect for not only the artist but also your fellow audience members. Usually it would be the job of the venue staff to stop them, but in my experience this rarely happens. I cannot count the amount of shows I’ve worked at where I have spent the entire duration of a show just going from row to row telling people to put their phones away and watch the goddamn show live, not through a tiny screen. This modern obsession with recording every moment detracts from the whole experience of a live show, you’re no longer living in the moment, you are recording it for later.

The audacity of the girl in question to tell the artist that she was recording it shows that she had no clue that what she was doing was wrong. This worries me that we now live in a society where people feel as if it is their right upon purchasing a ticket to be able to take a piece of the show with them. If that’s what you want, buy a DVD.

How would you like it, if someone was recording you at work to take home and show people without your permission?

I know I would feel a bit violated especially if it was my source of income, my art, my work, my property that was recorded by a perfect stranger. The fact that the comedian is then branded greedy because, according to this article, top comics at Sarah Millican’s level earn a lot of money, while it isn’t justified by the writer of the article the mere mention of earnings insinuates it.

p.s. I know this entry isn’t particularly well written, my initial outraged has subsided somewhat, but my frustration is still clouding my ability to be totally coherant.

The Tragedy of Comedy Podcasts

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:49:27 +1100

The Tragedy of Comedy Podcasts:

While this is a great article, I personally don’t believe that podcasts are killing live stand-up, if anything a good podcast has the ability to enhance a comedians career.

A good podcast can do great things for comedy, take for example Marc Maron’s WTF cast. I’m yet to meet someone who has listened to it, who doesn’t like it and I’m not just talking abotu within the comedy community. Marc Maron has nailed the perfect podcast format - generally a one-on-one - he somehow manages to get the best out of all his guests often revealing a different persona to what we know onstage. He then throws in regular live podcasts which, especially during a festival, are an excellent way for comedy lovers to discover artists they may not have known about otherwise.

Providing a podcast is well done (and well defined if it isn’t going to be a pure comedy recording) I think of them as another avenue of exposure and a way of displaying talent. Granted, on certain podcasts the guests sometimes don’t get much of a word in edgewise, I’ll often check out someone based on their appearance on a podcast I like.

I love a good podcast, they’re great to listen to in the car or when I’m doing something mind-numbing at work. Admittedly I’m really behind on most of them right now because I haven’t been drive as much and I can’t listen to comedy on public transport due to my ridiculous laugh. However, these are the ones I’m subscribed to and love the most

Talkin’ Shit with Jim Jefferies & Eddie Ifft
This was one of the first podcasts I subscribed too and got hooked on. It’s definitely not for everyone though, it’s a one way ticket to wrongtown and there’s no turning back so if you’re sensitive, politically correct, or easily offended probably don’t listen to this one.

WTF with Marc Maron
One of the best comedy podcasts around. Enough said.

The Little Dum Dum Club
This is the only Australian podcast that I subscribe to. Hosted by Melbourne comics Tommy Dassalo and Karl Chandler, The Little Dum Dum Club has some of the best local and international comedians on. It’s a proper comedy podcast that would actually persuade someone to go out and see live stand-up.

Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank
Ari’s show isn’t your usual comedy podcast. Sure, some of the episodes are hilarious, but he addresses some serious issues and he does it really well. From depression, to hoarding even to a recent episode with holocaust survivors Ari has fascinating guests and while most episodes still have an element of comedy to them, this is one of the podcast that shows a different side to comedy and comedians.

Probably Science
This is a brand new podcast hosted by comedians Andy Wood, Brooks Wheelan and Matt Kirshen. I love this podcast because it’s two of my favourite things combined science and comedy. I’ve really enjoyed the few episodes thus far and I’m sure it’s only going to get better - science and comedy come on, how cool is that!

Vote for the umbies short film in tropfest! You can’t go...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:38:31 +1100

Vote for the umbies short film in tropfest! You can’t go wrong when there’s a gimp suit involved.

alistcomedy:

SECOND DEGREE (by TROPFEST)

Check out Shane & David from the Umbilical Brothers tropfest entry for 2012.

A man is questioned in an unnamed room. His interrogator will not let him leave until he gets the answer. For assistance he calls in Johnson, whose efforts seriously undermind his authority.

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS BELOW TO VOTE FOR THIS FILM:

Go to www.youtube.com/tropfest and Click on the VOTE tab to view the films. Our film is called SECOND DEGREE

You vote by clicking THUMBS UP LIKE icon.

Each IP address can vote once every 24 hours so urge people to vote every day if they remember. If we spread this wide enough we should be able to get into the finals.

Put the word our on FaceBook, email, twitter, whatever way you have to spread the word.

Songs for the miserable

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:01:46 +1100

Songs for the miserable

This is the playlist I put on when I want to wallow in misery (or if I’m hungover and can’t tolerate anything else).
Its always chopping and changing but this is how it stands currently.

Whorehouse Blues - Motorhead
Ruby, don’t take your love to town - Kenny Rogers
England - The National
Love me tender - Elvis Presley
Can’t help falling in love - Elvis Presley
I’ll never get out of this world alive - Hank Williams
Lovesick blues - Hank Williams
Spacebound - Eminem
Rot for me - Wednesday 13
I left my heart in San Francisco - Tony Bennett
Something Stupid - Nancy and Frank Sinatra
These boots are made for walking - Nancy Sinatra
Bang Bang - Nancy Sinatra
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Doris Day
Mad about the boy - Dinah Washington
You Know I’m no good - Amy Winehouse
Wake up alone - Amy Winehouse
Fuck Forever - Babyshambles
Strawberry Fields - The Beatles
Sleep - The Dandy Warhols
Life on mars - David Bowie
The Man who sold the world - david bowie
space oddity - david bowie
rock and roll suicide - david bowie
car wreck - the devil makes three
riders on the storm - the doors
the end - the doors
rocketman - elton john
tiny dancer - elton john
sullen girl - fiona apple
slow like honey -fiona apple
ghost to a ghost - hank williams III
Karmageddon - Hank Williams III
Angie Baby - Helen Reddy
Through sun and wine - Holly Golightly
So Far Up there - holly golightly
the luckiest girl - holly golightly
cunts are still running the world - jarvis cocker
i will kill again - jarvis cocker
bitter is the day - joe buck yourself
highway men - the highway men
one more thing - L7
stuck here again - L7
oh well thats what you get for falling in love with a cowboy - Lanie Lane
crutches - les savy fav
fuck and run - Liz Phair
Mesmerizing - Liz Phair
Divorce Song - Liz Phair
Mistaken for strangers - The National
Cold Girl Fever - The National
Guest Room - The National
If I had a gun - Noel Gallagher
Aka…broken arrow - Noel Gallagher
The Masterplan - Oasis
Talk Tonight - Oasis
Cast No Shadow - Oasis
Walking after midnight - Patsy Cline
Honky Tonk Merry-go-round - Patsy Cline
I fall to pieces - Patsy Cline
Is this desire? - PJ Harvey
When under ether - PJ Harvey
Live Bed Show - Pulp
Bar Italia - Pulp
Angie - Rolling Stones
Blue Bayou - Roy Orbison
Crying - Roy Orbison
Only the lonely - Roy Orbison
Captain Rock - Richard Ashcroft
Some Rowdy Women - Shooter Jennings
Six Underground - Sneaker Pimps
Post-Modern Sleaze - Sneaker Pimps
Walking with a ghost - Tegan & Sara
Wake Up Exhausted - Tegan & Sara
You wouldn’t like me - Tegan & Sara
I’m a ramblin’ man - Waylon Jennings

Train ride thoughts

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:15:32 +1100

Here are a few things I’m really loving right now:

1. Black Keys El Camino - I know, its been on every playlist I’ve made since it was released - it’s the kind of album that is the musical equivalent of great sex

2. Elvis Presley - ever since Elvis fest I’ve rediscovered my lifelong love for The King. Especially his ballads, I’m really into the ballads right now. I’ve also decided to get my TCB tattoo when I’m in Austin with Amanda, in honor of our visit to Graceland a few years ago.

3. Hank IIIs Attention Deficit Domination - yeah, I know I usually try to keep my love of some kinds of metal in a metal box under the bed in the dark but this album is pretty much the musical equivalent of angry hate sex with someone who messes with your mind. It’s really dark and laden with conspiracy theories and it’s deep and symbolic man, deep and symbolic.

4. L7 - I’ve realized I don’t listen to them anywhere near enough. Liz Phair might be able to nail every male fail I’ve had but L7 have got a song for every other part of my life. (freak magnet or shit list anyone?)

5. Skype - it makes the world feel a little bit smaller. I miss my friends in the states & my bestie in Sweden so much and being able to have them on my iPhone/iPad/computer screen (video/voice/text doesn’t matter) always makes me feel better.

6. The beach - not only does it give me sexy hair but swimming as much as I can makes my injured shoulder feel so much better plus being a water baby there’s not much in life I love more than swimming.

7. Jurassic Lounge - I cannot even express how happy I am that it’s back. I think I’ll blog about my next visit. Anyone who isn’t in Sydney on a Tuesday night should be insanely jealous because I love getting drunk & dancing with dinosaurs then doing karaoke with the megafauna.

8. Science - its always blown my mind. When I was a kid the first things I ever wanted to be was a astronaut, then a paleontologist then a archaeologist. upon realizing that for one I needed to be good at actual science and mathematical things I couldn’t comprehend and (at the time) had the wrong genitals or was required to spend a lot of time in the hot sun made me reassess and decide being a writer was not only easier for me but also more pleasant. Our visit to the Parkes Satellite dish made me exclaim out loud to everyone in ear shot “I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE” then the Probably Science podcast (plus museum visits) gives me a regular fix of the smart stuff.

9. Japanese Food - I’m on a serious Japanese food kick lately. I cant get enough Edamame, miso, agadeshi tofu and salmon sashimi (which is the only meat I’m eating these days - I’ve almost completely phased out meat/seafood and dairy)

10. My friends - i’m always learning who true friends are and making new friends but at the moment I have a group of super awesome, super talented friends and we all like fun.

Well I finished this just in time to get off the train at my stop. Fantastic timing!

If I couldn’t travel I can honestly say I wouldn’t...

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:44:09 +1100

If I couldn’t travel I can honestly say I wouldn’t want to live.
Through travel I have met some of the most important people in my life and without them I wouldn’t be half the person I am today.

Sure, I make a lot of sacrifices to be able to go overseas. I have to live at home with my parents, I have to scrimp, save and be really disciplined with myself.

However, when it comes down to it, for me experience is so much more valuable than material possessions because lets face it - life is to be lived, not spent and all of those over priced luxury items, expensive cosmetics, unnecessary objects are pointless when we are dead. We only take experience to the grave and that is what our legacy becomes. What we did, not what we had.

LANA DEL REY-BLUE JEANS (by LanaDelRey) I know it’s a...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:07:17 +1100

LANA DEL REY-BLUE JEANS (by LanaDelRey)

I know it’s a cliche to say it, but this song could be about almost all the relationships I’ve had. I haven’t heard a song that I can apply to my life this closely since Liz Phair. Except I can honestly say, right now, I don’t feel this way about anyone…six months ago this song probably would have broken me.

Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey

Blue jeans, White shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like James Dean, for sure
You so fresh to death & sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time

Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like: “no please, stay here,”
We don’t need no money we can make it all work
But he headed out on Sunday, said he’d come home Monday
I stayed up waitin’, anticipatin’ and pacin’ but he was
Chasing paper
“Caught up in the game” that was the last I heard

I will love you till the end of time

I would wait a million years
Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time

You went out every night
And baby that’s alright
I told you that no matter what you did I’d be by your side
Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit, at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more-but that not what I had in mind
I just want it like before
We were dancin’ all night
Then they took you away- stole you out of my life
You just need to remember….

Will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you’ll remember that your mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time

I haven’t been to a Big Day Out since 2004 and with good...

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:20:10 +1100

Soundgarden Crowd

Kanye West

Kanye West

Mariachi El Bronx

Mariachi El Bronx

NGHFB

NGHFB

NGHFB

NGHFB

I haven’t been to a Big Day Out since 2004 and with good reason, people are music festival’s are disgusting. This particular music festival just so happens to fall on Australia Day, the most offensive national public holiday on our calender. People feel compelled to cover themselves head to toe in Australiana paraphenalia in a proud display of nationalism and their committment to all things they consider to be distinctly Australian like the beach, beer, bbq’s and freedom. In otherwords the large fuckwit population of the country turn the flag into a cape and get completely shitfaced in the name of National Pride and the genius promoters of Big Day Out decided that this would be the perfect day to hold a music festival.

I digress.

Generally it’s my fear and distaste for big crowds that keep me away from most music festivals, but the line up this year was too good to miss and my love and dedication for Noel Gallagher was stronger than my hatred of crowds.

With the exception of the token dickheads (like the row of men pissing on a fence AT THE FRONT OF A STAGE, or the intelligent fellow who decided to fill up his water bottle from a fire hydrant), this year wasn’t too bad. The crowd was extremely comfortable at about 40,000 (in an 80,000 capacity venue…not good for the promoters) and there were virtually no lines for food, drinks or toilets plus there was breathing space. Rejoice!

The downside to this was that for some smaller bands like Kitty, Daisy & Lewis the crowd was scarce which was a real shame but did allow for some swing dancing action front of stage.

My highlights of the day were the Cage The Elephant with their energetic punk rock blues sound, Mariachi El Bronx - seriously fucking amazing and Kitty, Daisy & Lewis (who were strong despite the lack of crowd).

Then came Kanye, who a friend of mine has so accurately dubbed “the spinal tap of rap”, was typically 15-20 minutes late but rose from the centre of the crowd on a scissor lift amidst plumes of smoke, almost looking like the God he thinks he is and most definitley playing into the delusion of grandeur he clearly has.

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy Kanye’s music. His rhymes are great and his live show is BEYOND entertaining, it really defines epic. Luckily for me he played the two songs I wanted to hear most (monster and hell of a life) in the first half hour so I was able to run to see the person I was actually here to see - Noel Gallagher.

Truly deserving of the title “Godlike Genius” he came onstage bang on time and launched into a shorter version of Monday night’s set focussing mostly on the High Flying Birds tracks with a few oasis sing alongs thrown in. Much to his amusement there was underwear down the front of the stage. As expected there was some hilarious retorts to crowd requests and some great commentary thrown in. Noel Gallagher is without a doubt, one of the musical greats of our generation and I really hope to see him back on our shores again soon.

The rest of my photo’s from the day can be viewed at my flickr account

Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:49:00 +1100

For the rest of my photo’s visit my flickr account

Like all other fans I was suitably devastated upon hearing the news that Oasis had split late one night in 2009. I consoled myself with the thought that it will allow Noel to finally have a career as a solo artist. So when Liam was the first to emerge with his post-oasis creation “Beady Eye” one might say I was a little disappointed. Not that there’s anything wrong with “Different Gear, Still Speeding”, it’s a fun album, but it just lacks something.

It felt like Noel was never going to release his debut post-oasis masterpiece. Once he did, the wait was forgotten and I felt like that wide gaping hole in my musical psyche was getting quite a bit smaller with every listen. High Flying Birds is everything that made me love Oasis and more. From the first single “The Death of You and Me” I was hooked, I was even back into b-sides - The Good Rebel is the kind of track that could only miss out on being included on an album that was flawless, and High Flying Birds pretty much is. There’s not a single track on the album that I skip.

If the album is close to perfection, the live show that I saw last night goes beyond perfection. I couldn’t have asked for a better - opening with two oasis songs the night was an even mix of Oasis and High Flying Birds. Two of my favourite Oasis songs were played (Talk Tonight and Half the World Away) and Noel’s version of Wonderwall truly is something spectacular. Not once did I miss the presence of the younger Gallagher, his kooky (off and) on stage behaviour might be entertaining, but it certainly doesn’t match the musical prowess and witty banter of Noel. The audience was fantastic, it felt wonderful 2000+ people singing at the top of their lungs to new and old tracks and let’s face it, there’s NOTHING like yelling “GONNA TAKE THAT TIGER OUTSIDE FOR A RIDE” along with a packed Enmore Theatre.

If I were to rate this show it would get a 10/10 everything about it exceeded my expectations and reminded me exactly why I fell in love with Oasis all those years ago and why I stuck with them the whole way through - singing Don’t Look Back in Anger along with 2200 other people validated that.

ENMORE THEATRE - MONDAY 23RD JAN - SET LIST

(It’s good) to be free
Mucky Fingers
Everybody’s on the Run
Dream On
If I had a gun…
The Good Rebel
The Death of You and Me
Freaky Teeth (new song)
Wonderwall
Supersonic
(I wanna live in a dream in my) Record Machine
AKA…What a Life!
Talk Tonight
Soldier Boys and Jesus Freaks
Broken Arrow
Half the World Away
(Stranded on) The Wrong Beach
Little by Little
The Importance of being idle
Don’t Look Back in Anger

It’s not logic, it’s preservation of our fragile...

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:59:09 +1100

It’s not logic, it’s preservation of our fragile ego’s and delicate self-esteem.

Haters gonna hate

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:12:22 +1100

Just like raper’s gonna rape and bakers gonna bake, there’s always going to be at least one person in life who simply does not like you through no fault of your own.

As an only child who was socialized as a kid, but didn’t go to pre-school I didn’t encounter someone who didn’t like me until year one. It was quite possibly the first traumatic event of my life. I had done nothing to this girl, in fact, until I was the only one in the entire class not invited to her birthday party, thought we were friends. Other kids were mean to her because she was the new girl, I was one of the first people to be nice to her. I included her in activities, I introduced her to everyone and I even shared my little lunch with her one day when she forgot hers. To say I was devastated when she told me she hated me was an understatement. I cried for two days straight. I simply couldn’t understand not only why someone didn’t like me, but why someone I went out of my way to make feel welcome could be so mean.

I was seven years old. I’m now twenty-seven and not much has changed. Except I don’t cry when I find out people don’t like me anymore.

I have a fairly even male to female friend ratio. However the majority of my problems are with other women and when they decide they don’t like me, they really don’t like me. It’s never as simple as a personality clash, they launch a full blown hate campaign. They do every possible thing they can think of to bring me down.

But you know what? People who invest so much time and energy hating someone live a miserable life. If you always need one person to hate and bitch about in order to feel better about yourself, then you must be a miserable person with deep self hatred. If you consider yourself my friend, yet you still try to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit, perhaps you should reconsider your friendship and count how many actual friends vs acquaintances you actually have. If you hardly know me, but spend a whole lot of time and energy hating me and making sure you know exactly what I’m doing at all times, get a hobby. Maybe exercise or something. Start a twelve step program. Paint watercolours.

I’m not sorry that I enjoy life. I’m not sorry that my main aim in life is to have fun no matter what it is I’m doing. I can adapt to the situation. If I’m at a party where I don’t know many people, I make friends, I don’t shadow the one person I know or sit in the corner and judge people while I pretend to be texting someone on my cell phone.

Im happy more than I am sad. I have my own sense of style and I really don’t care if you look me up and down as you judge what I’m wearing because it doesn’t fit your idea of the image everyone that surrounds you should portray. I am who I am and I don’t intend on changing that for anyone.

So if you hate me, that’s more a you problem than a me problem.

Jan 2012 Playlist

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 10:23:09 +1100

I’ve pretty much had the same playlist since November, with the exception of my stellar Elvis Roadtrip Playlist (which I will put up at some point). This morning I decided it was time for some new music and with SXSW coming up in just over a month I trawled the announced bands pages (in addition to myspace music & facebook friends recommendations) in an attempt to find new and shiny things. This is what I’ve come up with thus far

3 Dudes and a mullet
Alabama Shakes
Brothers Grim & The Blue Murders (one of my fav Aussie bands to see live)
Cooper McBean and the Vested Interests
Cuff the Duke
Dash Rip Rock
Futurebirds
Hellbound Glory
Lana Del Rey
Not in the Face
Slim Chance and the Can’t Hardly Playboys
Whiskey Daredevils
Whiskey Shivers

Hah this is exactly what I do.

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:38:10 +1100

Hah this is exactly what I do.

Parkes Elvis Festival 2012

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:59:00 +1100

After attending for the very first time this year I have decided that I never want to live a life that does not have the Parkes Elvis Festival in it.

Part One: Petersham to Parkes

The adventure started the moment we hit the road, like hyper-active children after red cordial our excitement could not be contained and within five minutes of driving we had begun a game of car karaoke which lasted the entire five hour drive.

The playlist was magnificent, largely made up of Elvis tracks it also included hits from Roy Orbison, Buddy Holly, Dolly Parton, Waylon Jennings, Elton John, The Rolling Stones, Hank Williams Snr (and Hank Williams III), Johnny Cash, Tom Jones, The Animals, Patsy Cline, Stray Cats and more.

Our first stop was The Hydro Majestic at Medlow Bath (now derelict and awaiting renovation), mostly to prove my point that it was in fact a hotel and not a dam as one of my travel companions believed. It was sad to see this beautiful hotel in such a state, having been one of my favorite places to visit as a kid and as an adult.

Our second stop was the mining town of Lithgow. Not much can really be said about this cancerous blight on the landscape except we scored lucky in the op shop finding Jerry Seinfeld and Lisa Lampanelli’s biographies and a fancy pair of shorts.

Now I did debate leaving out mentioning the next stop on our trip, but I am still completely outraged over the fact that a large gas station only had one size red bull and it wasn’t large. Shame on you truck stop just outside of Bathurst, shame on you!

Stop number four was brief but entertaining, it is best described in photo’s

Part Two: Party in Parkes

Finally, we arrived. Our excitement was un-contained and our behavior was un-restrained. We were under-privileged kids, Parkes was a toy store and we had just been told everything was free.

Once the business end of the night was completed it was time to get our Elvis on and what better place to start than the Parkes Leagues Club?

Upon entering the auditorium I was overcome with a special kind of happiness that I haven’t felt since I visited Memphis. The vibe was contagious, there was more inappropriate thrusting that anyone should ever have to see in one lifetime, let alone one night, but for some reason, it was okay.

The Elvis on stage was a magnificent specimen. He had the voice of The King but the head of Bruce Campbell in Bubba Hotep. His moves were spectacular and with every glance in my direction I felt as if a part of me had been violated and I liked it.

I glanced to the side of the stage and standing there alone, with glassy eyes and a stance that can only be described as a swoon was on stage Elvis’ biggest fan (his wife/missus). Can you imagine the conversations you would have with new people?

“Oh so what does your husband do?”

“Oh, he’s an Elvis impersonator - for three days a year in Country NSW he has women throwing themselves at him like he is The King”.

After the show ended we briefly stopped in at the Cambridge Hotel where we witnessed a bar fight between two Elvis’ that ended with the throwing of a bar stool.

Next we headed up the main drag, dancing and singing to the Elvis tunes pumping from the towns speaker system. We stumbled upon a magnificent bearded man statue. I climbed up and out of no where a swarm of Elvii had also joined me, I turned to my right and there was a bearded Elvis, not too dissimilar to to Charro Elvis. This was an extremely thrilling few moments.

We then moved on to what is now known as “the gropey pub” where all three of us (two girls, one boy) were molested in three separate incidents by three separate Elvii. We decided to leave this not so fine establishment and head up to karaoke.

Unfortunately this was short lived as we were asked to leave karaoke bar due to bringing in our drinks from the previous bar. Turns out the police followed us for three bars, just waiting for us to muck up. I think the universe decided it was time to go home and where was home you ask? Home was Hoe’s (pronounced Hoey’s) place.

That was the end of day one….

Part Three: Day Two Hoe’s place

I stepped outside into the blistering hot sunshine and came face to face with a giant moo cow, who promptly decided to moo to the other cows who all mooed back as if it were some cruel joke they played on all the hung over city slickers who came through their turf.

Part Four: The Parade

The only words I need to use for the parade apart from spectacular are: Aboriginal Elvis, walking in the parade, singing Jail House Rock.

Click here to view the rest of the photo’s from the Parade.

The rest of the day was spent exploring the town, buying merchandise and a little down time in the Parkes Library watching a young Elvis strut his sexy stuff in “Follow that Dream”.

Part Five: Best Elvis in the Pub and other adventures

The reason we were in town was due to the comedy show booked by one of my Parkes party posse, featuring the rest of the party posse. The genius that is Amelia Jane Hunter decided that she was going to find the best Elvis in the pub through a variety of dance offs and finally a strip off. Video footage of this will come soon.

After the show it was time to once again get our Elvis on and by the end of the evening, between the lot of us, we had befriended almost everyone in town. There was breakdancing, interpreting dancing, a little more unwarranted near molestations, sharing some Kenny Rogers love, one incident of sleeping in the middle of the road and at the very end of the night we found ourselves back where we started at the cambridge hotel rape faces on, breaking it down on the dance floor with our charming host Hoe.

Part Five: the dish and the road home

You can’t drive all the way out to Parkes and not see “The Dish”.

WEEKEND STATISTICS

Total Road Kill Count: 33
Bars kicked out of: 1
Kilometre’s Travelled: 694
Rogue Cows: 1
Llamas: 2
Shetland Ponies: 6
Cases of Unwanted Molestation by Elvis: 3
Pairs of stockings shredded: 2
Elvis on Elvis Bar Fights: 1
New Kylie Haters: 1
Salad Sandwhiches eaten by Juls: 6
Bacon eaten by Oliver: The equivalent of a small sized pig
Elvii: Countless

The things I’ve seen - The Seven Hills Mural Edition This...

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 08:42:00 +1100

The things I’ve seen - The Seven Hills Mural Edition

This mural has been here longer than I’ve been alive. I just did a google search with every possible keyword combination I could think of in an attempt to shed some light on this truly bizarre mural but the only thing I could find was a listing in the national archives for a photo of the mural upon its completion in 1979.

I guess it has been around so long it has literally become part of the landscape and no one ever stops to have a look at what the mural actually depicts. I imagine it starts with something historical as there are Aboriginal Australians with spears (one on the ground with what looks like a bottle of booze) and some convicts either being attacked by or attacking the aboriginals. I’m not sensitive by any means but I am quite surprised no one has deemed this politically incorrect as yet, while it is a popular thoroughfare it is under a railway bridge and it isn’t often any one would be stopping to have a look.

As the mural moves across it gets quite bizarre, there are rabbits and pixies and a man with multiple arms with a rooster for a hand and a clock for a head…

If anyone can shed any light on this peculiar piece of western sydney landscape it would be much appreciated.

I made this series of collages for an event I worked on with a...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:24:00 +1100

Your Type?

Flights of Fancy

Miss Bluebeard

The Beauty Process

Enjoyment

I made this series of collages for an event I worked on with a friend last year (much like the ones I did at the Jurassic Lounge Zine Workshops which can be seen here & here neither of which I kept as the spirit of the whole workshop was to work with recycled material then recycle the material again, I know very postmodern) to decorate the otherwise black hole that was the venue.

Unfortunately these have been sitting in the boot/trunk of my car for about 6 months and weren’t properly stored or protected from the elements that snuck in whenever the boot was open. It gives them an even dirtier look (if that’s even possible with the nature of these pieces). Either way I’m in the process of putting them up at home. I like them if I do say so myself.

The materials were sourced from reverse garbage and my own personal collection of clippings, true crime magazines, Weimar Berlin books and various other things I could get my grubby little paws on.

Late night ponderings

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:14:41 +1100

Having one of those nights where I can’t stop my thought train long enough to get to sleep. It’s been everywhere from my next lot of tattoo work, to guilt over not visiting new Orleans for two years to all the stuff I have to do at work as well as staying on top of my various side projects and making sure I book flights before they get too expensive for my next US trip in March.

Finally it settles on the inevitable, whatever fear is currently at the forefront of my mind. At the moment it’s rejection. I over analyse things, some rejections I take as a personal failure, others I secretly hoped would be rejected. However when it come to my personal life I’ve never really been rejected because A) I’ve never put myself out in a position to be rejected and humiliated and b) the rejections I have had haven’t been flat out rejections, more like thinly veiled excuses that insinuate I need to put in all the effort; for example the ever so popular “I’m seeing someone I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I really like you and I’m really confused and blah blah blah” don’t waste my time, be honest up front. I’ve unknowingly been the other woman enough times to know exactly what the limitations are on such an encounter, but don’t chase me for weeks on end, make me admit to liking you then tell me theres someone else, that’s just a waste of everyone’s time and it plays with everyone’s emotions. Be a player, sure, but be upfront about it that way you limit the amount of people who get hurt and the amount of effort I put in. Especially if I’m not going to get ANYTHING out of it, not even a platonic friendship.

The next excuse that irritates the hell out of me is the “I don’t want to be in a relationship, with anyone” line. No you don’t want to be in a relationship with me, you can admit that, you can tell me to my face that I’m not the kind of girl you’d take home to your mother, you wouldn’t be the first (honest, a guy i was dating told me that…because I had a glass of wine before 4pm ON A SATURDAY) or even just say “I’m seeing a few girls at the moment, I’m just having fun”. Be honest because chances are the girl isn’t after a relationship (especially not if the first time you shagged the morning after involved her doing a walk of shame home) in fact none of the relationships I’ve been in, have started off with the intention of being that.

The way I see it is if I like someone enough to want to hang out, I’m attracted to them enough to want to make out, chances are there’s going to be a bit of the old in and out.

What happens after that? Well sometimes the cycle is repeated a few times until we both realise we’re only after one of the three elements so maybe we’ll be friends and hang out or maybe we’ll do one of the other two at random intervals throughout our lives. Sometimes it’s a once off, maybe a few times then it just fades out. No harm no foul. Once every so often all three elements merge together, blend up and come out as something entirely different that resembles, I suppose what they call a “relationship” sometimes they last, sometimes they don’t. Heartsbreak, we move on and do it all again. Or become the crazy cat and bird lady either/or. I think the best attitude to take is not to view people as a possession and not to take everything as if it will be forever (or for the duration of life). With my track record you would think I’d hate men. I don’t, there’s no point in hate. Theyre not all bad. Sure I’m guarded, emotionally retarded and pretty hesitant with my trust but that doesn’t mean I’m going to in a nunnery (that and I’m an atheist, no actually im a pastafarian).

I’m not entirely sure what the point of this is, but i have seen so many of my friends force someone else into a relationship. For what reason I don’t know. Maybe because that’s what society says we should do, find one person and mate for life with no variation. I have no doubt that some people are meant to be together, some of my friends have doubtedly found their soul mates but none of them forced it, it all happened naturally.

I think maybe when you find a person you want to put in an effort for, who willingly reciprocates and instigates, that might be a sign of something meaningful.

I’d rather be forever alone than in a never ending series of miserable relationship that’s for sure.

Hello and Welcome to Car Hoarding 101, My name is Kylie and...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:05:53 +1100

This is my car

The pinata is a thief deterrent...

Everyone needs a Flamingo in their boot

Tape, CareBears & Bond Cup are essential

Water bottle purge

Things I thought were lost!

Misc boot/trunk contents

Post vacuum happy backseat dwellers

Clean boot - remember it

Hello and Welcome to Car Hoarding 101,

My name is Kylie and I’ll be your host for this evening so please, sit back, relax, have a pen and paper ready because this is your introduction to the world of a mid-level hoarder.

Any good hoarder knows the importance of a car for portable storage. The preferred vehicle of a hoarder is a station wagon or a hatch (van’s or trucks in extreme cases). While my previous two cars were hatchbacks, I have unfortunately ended up with a sedan. I feel that owning a sedan has taught me how to pack more things, into smaller spaces.

Your car needs to feel like home, packed to the brim with a combination of useful and useless items. A mid-level hoarder is always prepared for the occasion where they may need to sleep in or live out of their vehicle. As a result there will be non-perishable food items, plastic cutlery and enough half finished water bottles to cross a small desert with. Chances are the car will be absent of emergency items like a first aid kit, but there will be more than enough alternatives to tide one over until they could reach a doctor (sheets, fabric scraps, knives etc). A car is a prime container for roadside or thrift shop collecting. You never know when, where or how you might use that plastic flamingo but there’s no way it could possibly be discarded.

Now, in my car, I like to keep it simple. I don’t need no fancy stereo with a fandangled CD player - that shit just gets stolen in my hood. I stick to a good old fashioned tape deck with an ipod transmitter plugged into the cigarette lighter or some of the few remaining tapes that haven’t been attacked by the dreaded mould. Sure, I have a GPS but it’s buried so deep in my boot/trunk it takes me 20 minutes to find it.

Clearly my choice to make my car as unappealing to the would-be robber as possible had no effect on the delinquents who broke into my car recently, although they attempted to steal it, they merely got across the car park and couldn’t get it back down off the sidewalk (it’s pretty low my car) and any change I had in there was strewn all over the place I’m fairly certain they got away with fuck all.

That brings us to the end of Car Hoarding 101, in the series mid-level hoarding with Kylie. Stay tuned for the next episode coming sometime in an undefinable period which deals with bedroom hoarding. I hope you enjoyed your stay.

Kind regards,

Kylie
Moderate Mid-Level hoarder